Friday, August 19, 2016

Movie Review: Aloha (2015)

Movie: Aloha (2015)

Director: Cameron Crowe

Writer: Cameron Crowe

Cast: Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Rachel McAdams, Bill Murray, John Krasinski, Danny McBride, Alec Baldwin, Ivana Milicevic, Bill Camp, Danielle Rose Russell, & Jaeden Lieberher

One-Line Plot Synopsis: A military contractor (Cooper) returns to Hawaii where he encounters an old ex-girlfriend and a new love interest who is assigned to keep tabs on him during his time there.

You probably did the same thing as I did.  You took a look at the cast and were like, this movie basically has to be good.  Even if it's not supposed to be good, the cast will basically pull the movie up based on how freaking stacked it is.  I like to call that the "Denzel Effect."  Even in the movies that probably should be terrible, if Denzel is the lead, the movie is immediately watchable.  That's how good of an actor Denzel Washington is.  You think Book of Eli, Safehouse, or Unstoppable had any business whatsoever of being any good without Denzel???  Nope.  But he basically pulls them up by the bootstraps and then they're actually not that bad.  

That's what I figured was going to be the worst case scenario for this movie.  Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Rachel McAdams, Bill Murray, Danny McBride, and John Krasinski?  How can that be a recipe for a shit movie?  Ahhhh, but I forgot about Cameron Crowe.  That's on me.  Crowe hasn't made anything good since 2001's Vanilla Sky, and even that was basically a shot for shot remake of the 1997 Spanish film, Abre los ojos.  So, basically, Crowe is working with the insane amount of goodwill that he built up from the pre-2000s with Almost Famous being the apex of his talents.  Now, to be fair, he really hasn't been working a ton and churning out a movie every couple years or so.  He's only came out with 3 movies in the last 15 years, but boy has there been a fall off in quality.  Don't even get me started on his show Roadies on Showtime.  I had to stop watching that crap with how overly self-important and preposterously existential and "deep" everyone character on that show thinks they are for being a Roadie with some fictional band.  It's outrageous how hateable every single character of that show is.  It's as if they try and one-up each other with how essential they think they are to the success of a band by shit like making great coffee or telling them what songs they think they should play.   OK, I'm getting sidetracked.  Sorry about that, but that show is a hunk of least in my personal opinion.  I easily get sidetracked.

This movie was just so freaking boring.  I couldn't wait for it to end.  The capper to the whole experience is a scene at the end with Bradley Cooper and John Krasinski where they subtitle a conversation that they are having with what can only be described as "man talk" that the communicate with just gestures.  I don't know who the hell thought of this scene happening but it was a struggle to get through how unbearably unfunny this scene was.  It was basically something that wouldn't even make the air as a skit on a late night talk show.  As the one semi-bright spot of this movie, I thought Emma Stone was actually pretty good.

Rating: 3.5/10  

P.S. What a fucking waste of Bill Murray.