Sunday, January 3, 2016

The Bachelor: Season 20 Preview with Ben Higgins

The Bachelor Season 20 Preview

Season 20 of The Bachelor is upon us and Ben Higgins is the "lucky" guy who was chosen to be the love guinea pig of the latest edition of finding love on TV.  He's well spoken, handsome, and has a decent personality, so he fits the recipe mold for being The Bachelor.  Kaitlyn, Bristowe last season's Bachelorette, broke the model of being the Bachelorette last season but I'm guessing that wholesome Ben is going to take things rather slow with the ladies and bring the Bachelor Franchise back down to earth.  It's a little bit of a shame but he could always surprise me.

Get ready for every pun of 'Ben' that you can think of this year.  Starting with this... 

Now, let's take a quick run through the 28 ladies that will be vying for Ben's love this year. That's right, twenty-freaking-eight.

The Contestants:

Amanda, 25

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) She has 2 only 25 years old, and she looks like she weighs about 85 pounds. 
2) She says she uses botox, again, she's 25.
3) Probably the fact that she thinks she's 45.  Maybe she's prepping for a Housewives show or something.

Amber, 30

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Umm, this is definitely Amber from Chris Soules' season and last year's Bachelor in Paradise. So I guess we're going to have someone from a previous season on every one of these now.  It makes sense.  I like it because she knows what she's in for, so she has a leg up on the competition, but all the other girls instantly resent her because she "had her chance already."  It's perfect, although I might have chosen someone else, but whatever.
2) Her top 3 All-Time Favorite Movies are The Lion King, Reservoir Dogs, and A Bronx Tale.  Just some full disclosure here, I weigh my opinions heavily on that question, and that's a good list spanning different genres, so good work there Amber.
3) She can't live without her teddy bear, which is a little weird, considering she's 30 years old and a grown adult woman.

Becca, 26

Maybe she's matured a little bit and can actually hold hands with someone in front of her family now. This was more what I was thinking of when the show brings someone back from a previous season.  She didn't go on Bachelor in Paradise, so you know she's "super serious" about looking for a relationship.  To tell you the truth, I don't know what Chris saw in her other than that she was playing hard to get/had the emotionally maturity of a pre-teen.

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Her biggest date fear is having stomach issues and clogging up a toilet.  I remember that being like 50% of the girls' date fear from Chris' season, so I see she hasn't updated her resume.
2) Her greatest life achievement is staying a living alone in California once her sister and brother-in-law left.  Not sure that's an achievement per se, but I guess the graduating college line was already taken.
3) If she never had to go back to school, she would be very happy.  Ummm, you don't.  That's not a thing that people really have to do.

Breanne, 30

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) She looks like a big lady.  Not fat or anything like that, but just like, a sizable woman.  She's listed at 5'7'' so she will now be known as Breanne of Tarth, after the rather large lady from Game of Thrones.

2) Her 3 favorite musicians are Lana Del Ray, Beyonce, and Lady Gaga because they're all incredible, confident women who share their gifts with the world...I can tell she is going to be a handful just from that answer.
3) The best trip she's ever been on was for her 30th birthday to NYC.  Seems pretty normal right?  Oh, she went by herself...and she went to fashion week?  So a whole week by yourself for your 30th birthday.  That just sounds off to me...
Bonus) She used the word "Smize," as in, she smiles with her eyes...Smize.  I repeat, Smize.

Caila, 24

I'll admit it, I don't know how to pronounce that name.  Is it supposed to be like Cayla?  She looks cute and bubbly, but 24 might be a tad young.

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) She lists Brett Dennen first in her favorite music.  A woman after my own heart.
2) She lists The Count of Monte Cristo in her favorite movies.  Uh oh, what's happening.
3) Her favorite TV Show is Game of Thrones...aaaaaand I'm in love.

Emily, 22

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) 22 is definitely too young for this show.
2) Her occupation is listed as twin.  I wish I knew that was an option when I was first applying for jobs out of college, my resume would have taken a lot less time to finish.
3) If I didn't already tell you that she's only 22, you probably could have guessed it from this:  One of the three things on her bucket list is to go to Six Flags and ride very single ride!  Just like the grown ups do!

Haley, 22 (no kidding)

I was wondering if I should even do two different profiles for these two, but I bet they're so different and never say the same thing at the same time or anything!  So she gets her own mini-bio.

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Also lists her occupation as twin...I guess she's not the original one out of the two.
2) The most outrageous thing she's ever done guessed it, worked at a nightclub.  You could have given me infinity guesses and I never would've guessed something THAT outrageous!  These two girls have me writing all these exclamation points like I'm a tween now, so thanks for that.
3) Her three favorite movies are Just Go With It, We Bought A Zoo, and Dear John.  The twins are 22, just a friendly reminder so you're not surprised when their mother picks them up instead of the limo when they're sent packing.


Isabel, 24

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) She goes by Izzy, but I think she should actually stick with Isabel, it's a way better name.
2) She's from Branford, CT, so I'm already pulling for her.  Seeing as CT has been home to the past winners on American Idol (Nick Fradiani - Guilford, CT), The Bachelorette (Shawn Booth - Windsor Lock, CT), and Dating Naked (Chris Aldrich - Mystic/New Milford, CT).  So, she's looking pretty good so far.
3) One of her favorite movies, like 90% of the girls, is The Notebook.  Nothing else really of note here, how dare she have normal and boring answers...unacceptable.

Jackie, 23

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) One of her favorite movies is Seven Pounds.  I remember someone on the last Bachelor season had Seven Pounds listed as one of their favorite movies.  That can't be a coincidence, so even though I don't remember her, I'm going to say that maybe she was on the last season.  There's no way that more than one person on Earth has Seven Pounds in their top three favorite movies.
2) Her biggest regret to date is that she never regrets anything...just wait until you watch yourself back on this show baby girl.
3) 2 of the 5 things she can't live without include a Bible and her stuffed giraffe "Fergus."  For some reason I can't separate those two things in my head.

Jami, 23

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) She describes herself as an inexperienced lover.  Virgin alert!  No one besides a virgin would ever describe themselves that way.
2) She has 3 tattoos but none are visible in her tank top.  I'm guessing lower back, hip, and ankle.
3) I guarantee that she brings up the fact that she's Canadian and Kaitlyn's Canadian, because we all know, the first thing you want to do when you meet a guy, is remind him of his ex who broke his heart.

Jennifer, 25

I was going to say something about her being pretty and a small business owner but I think she wants to be known as the 'sexual one' based on her answers.

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Her favorite animal is a dolphin because they are the only mammals that have sex for pleasure.
2) The law she would break of there were no repercussions?  Why, tanning nude at the beach of course.  Maybe she hasn't heard of these things that are so cleverly called nude beaches, but she should check them out.
3) Her most embarrassing moment was face-planting in front of her ex-fling and his new girlfriend.  Word choice is incredibly important to note here.  She didn't say an ex-boyfriend, she said an ex-fling, which means he was basically a booty call.
Bonus) She included Eric Decker in the three people (dead or alive) that she would like to have dinner with.  I'm guessing it's not because he's a pretty good football player.

I think she might be a dark horse, or at least around for a while based on being a sexpot.

Jessica, 23

First off, wowzers.  OK, now that we've got that out of the way...

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Her three favorite musicians are Luke Bryan, Kygo, and Lil' Wayne.  Nice addition of Kygo in there and spanning the whole music spectrum, I like it.
2) She passed all four parts of her CPA in six months and is an accountant, so she's got the smarts too.
3) Loves low-key bars instead of clubs.

So what if I only looked for things I liked about her.  Sue me.

Joelle, 24

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Another one that goes by so stupid nickname when they have a really cool and unique name.  She goes by Jo Jo instead of Joelle.
2) Dropped LANY into her favorite music, didn't see that one coming.
3) Her special talent is that she can make a three leaf clover with her tongue.  Is that another name for making the tongue oyster?  I guess that makes sense but I've never heard it called a three leaf clover before.

Jubilee, 24


Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Someone's parents must be huge X-Men fans.

2) She's a war veteran with 4.5 years of active duty.  So now there's proof that she's badass.  I wonder if she felt pressure to join up because she had the name of an X-Men character?
3) Newsies is in her favorite 3 movies, and now we're best friends.
Bonus) All of her answers are actually pretty witty, I have a feeling that she's going to get along with most of the other girls (also,they won't want to get their collective asses kicked)  Her typical Saturday night is a Menage a trois with her bed, blanket, and pillow.  Not bad Jubilee.

Lace, 25

With names like Jubilee and Lace, maybe they're holding tryouts for the new American Gladiators.

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) OK, stay with me on her most embarrassing moment.  She had a guy she liked over for drinks.  So, everything seemingly is starting off normal.  She forgot that she pooped before he came over and when he went to go use the bathroom he saw it...ummmm, what?  She never said she forgot to flush or anything like that, so is that normal for her?  Not to flush?  What the shit (literally)?
2) Her ideal date is going to a sporting event or something that her date likes so that she can make him smile...bullshit.
3) She also left a date on the spot because he was too into himself.

My bullshit meter is going crazy on this one.  And also, she looks like she has a little crazy in her, and she's 5'10''so maybe don't fuck with her.

Laura, 24

She looks like the quintessential farmer's daughter.

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) She seems too normal.  All normal answers of a girl that I'd most likely be actual friends with from a show like The Bachelor.  I can already tell you're too nice and normal for this show Laura.

Lauren (L.B.), 23

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) There are 4 God Damn Lauren's?  4!!!  I need at least 2 of these Lauren's out on the first night.  Nothing against you girls but I can't keep 4 freaking Lauren's straight.  I'm hoping Ben screws up and keeps one of the Lauren's by accident on the first night because he called the wrong last initial.
2) Her most embarrassing moment is going to a doctor in Germany for constipation.  I swear to God, 90% of these girls have the same three things: The Notebook, Dolphins, and Poop.
3) She hates when her date doesn't pick up the bill, that's equality!

Lauren B., 25

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Her three favorite movies Home Alone, The Departed, and Titanic.  I approve.
2) Her guilty pleasure is brunch with mimosas.  Double approve.  Plus, I don't like tomato juice so I miss out on the magnificence that I've been told, are Bloody Marys.
3) She cooks, so that's a bonus.

Lauren H., 25

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) I'm already getting sick of the Lauren's.  She basically tried to answer every question with a joke, sorry, bad joke, about the Bachelor.  Wants to go to Cali because that's where the Bachelor is filmed, wants to spend a day as Chris Harrison, she meets guys on TV get the gist.
2) She is a Kindergarten teacher so I'm sure we'll hear 1,000 times how much she loves kids and is good with kids and kids, kids, kids.

Lauren R., 26

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) I feel like she's trying to answer all the questions so that she sounds the coolest and funnest (I don't care if that's not a word) of all the girls but it just comes off as trying to hard for me.  Too many exclamation points and quotation marks for my taste.
2) If she could be one person for a day, she would be her future self because she loves her life so much right now.  Really?  That's really what you wrote?
3) The most romantic present she ever received was a painting that took the guy 80+ hours to complete.  Holy shit, that doesn't seem like it was worth it for him huh?  If you can't stick around after spending that much time on a present than I don't know what to tell you.

Leah, 25

To be honest, I'm just glad her name's not Lauren.

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) I don't know why, but I like the fact that she listed her height as 5'5'' and 3/4.  I've been calling myself 5'10'' and 1/2 for years.
2) She's having two dove tattoos laser removed from her calves, so at least she's starting to grow up BUT she was a crazy party girl most likely before.  A good combination for The Bachelor.
3) Three favorite movies are Bridesmaids, Interstellar, and The Dark Knight, so it looks like we have a big Christopher Nolan fan on our hands, which I'm always for.

Maegan, 30

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) She lists her height as 5'4'' and 3/4, which I now find annoying because the last girl already used that.  If Maegan's name was closer to the beginning of the alphabet, I would've instantly liked her more...tough luck, but that's how my Bachelor rankings work.
2) Her occupation is a cowgirl, I'm sure she'll never bring up cowgirl stuff and how she's such a tomboy at all when she's talking to Ben.
3) She has a mini-horse, I repeat, a mini-horse.  Shout out to Lil' Sebastian!

Mandi, 28

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Mandi, with an I.  I'll bet you $50 that she uses a heart for the dot on the i when she writes her name.
2) She loves being in a swimsuit, so she basically has step one down on being on The Bachelor.
3) Her favorite music is house/EDM, so I immediately don't trust her.
Bonus) Her exes would say that she has a tendency to drink to much and is opinionated.  It's like the producers created their ideal Bachelor contestant in a laboratory.

Olivia, 23

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) She's a new anchor so I can guarantee that she'll do a 'reporting from the Bachelor mansion' for her limo introduction.
2) If she could be a fictional character she'd be Katniss Everdeen because she's one tough cookie. Olivia's from Texas which means she probably talks and acts a lot older than her age.  I'm going out on a limb with a Ms. Congeniality nomination for Olivia.
3) Her biggest fear? Ending up alone.  Welcome to The Bachelor!  She'll be the one who just can't believe that the other girls are being SO catty.

Rachel, 23

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Can you guess Rachel's job?  I bet you can...unemployed.  But she'll definitely say she's either a 'student' or trying to 'figure herself out.'
2) The longest relationship Rachel had was a year and a half, on and off, but the guy was too interested in hanging out with his friends and being popular.  Being popular? So her longest relationship was in high school I presume.  She seems ready to settle down to me.
3) If she could be any animal she would be Cookie Monster.  OK, you got me there, I like that answer.

Samantha, 26

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Nothing really that interesting.  She's an attorney and two of her three all-time favorite movies are The Strangers and The Bone Collector.  Maybe she heard the question as, name the first movies that come into your head.  How are those 2 or your favorite movies ever?

Shushanna, 27

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) A mathematician from Utah, sounds like she'd be a blast at a party.
2) I have a feeling I'm going to get a really big kick out of saying Shush Anna every time she drones on about something boring, and I'm OK with that.
3) She listed Russian as one of her favorite types of music.  I had no idea that was a genre of music (I still don't think it is).

Tiara, 26

Three Favorite/Most Ridiculous Things from her Bio:
1) Her name is God Damn Tiara.
2) Her occupation is Chicken Enthusiast.  I think that's a joke, but I have no idea what the punch line is supposed to be.
3) I think she looks like a young Christine Taylor.  What do you think?

I don't want to throw out a winner pick just yet.  I like to watch the first episode and get a feel for each of the contestants, so for the first review I'll list my 2 choices to win.

Let The Games Begin!