Monday, January 11, 2016

The Bachelor Season 20: First Impressions

Bachelor Season 20: Episode 1 - First Impressions

Things got underway at the Bachelor Mansion for Benny Boy Higgins as he was introduced to 28 girls on the first night as the newest Bachelor.  A couple of the girls seems nice and normal and have a shot, and about half of them have no shot at all and are just there to make some entertaining television.

Let's separate them into a couple of categories so that we can more easily break down the big cast of women.

Group 1: My Picks


You bubbly little Bostonian you...

She probably would've been my first impression rose if I was in Ben's shoes but she's probably slotted in at the number two spot after the first night anyway.  She seems like she's really easy to talk to and a spinner on top of it.

You can see how comfortable they already are together based on how she's sitting on the couch talking to him.

Lauren B.

Based on her profile pic (I guess that's what you'd call it), I did not see her body looking like this.

Those abs are like solid rocks and she seems nice enough, which will probably mean that she gets devastated before this all wraps up.  

Olivia (first impression rose)

You could tell by her conversation with Ben that she was going to get the first impression rose.  He had that little glint in his eye when she was describing how she left her job as a news anchor to come on the show.  I think it was the, "leave something good, for something great" line that really got him.

Plus, she's got a strong dimple game. 

The only thing I'm a little weary about is that in the scenes for the upcoming season, she says how she's not there to make friends.  I think it was Sean Lowe's sister who said it best, "Don't ever go for the girl who is not friends with the other girls."  Bachelor 101.  I should really make a Rules of the Bachelor that these people should follow. 

Group 2: The Other Contenders


We didn't get much of Amanda yet but I think that Ben may be a little young for the addition of two little ones.  Plus, I can't get by the botox.


She has the experience to make it pretty far in this but I don't think she has what it takes to actually win it.  I think the mystery of her is much more enticing than the actuality of her.  Too meta for a show like the Bachelor?  Yeah, probably.


She's a saucy little minx that can hold her own.  I like the vibes I'm getting from her so far and she seems to get along with all the girls in the house too.

Group 3: Along For The Ride


Maybe if Becca wasn't there to overshadow her she could have ended up making it a little farther, but she'll always be lumped in with her and she's definitely the sidekick.


She's cute but from her limited conversation, she seems dumb as rocks.  That's just my initial take.


Just based on looks she'll stay around for a while.


She seems like the classic under-the-radar girl who will be there in the final 7 or 8 and still not have had a one-on-one date.  She'll be the group date queen.


Just because they seemed to feature her a lot on the first episode, I think she'll be there for a bit.  She always seems to be squishing her nose though, and that's going to get on my nerves real quick.  Plus, she looks like she's about 44.

Group 4: You'll Forget They're On The Show Until They Get Axed



Jo Jo (Joelle)

This was the only thing you'll remember in a couple of weeks and you won't even remember who was under it.

Lauren (L.B.)

I remember she had a really tight dress on but that's about it.

Lauren H.

Literally not recollection of her.


She looks like she's wearing a silk bathrobe in her picture no?

Group 5: Producer Picks

There's a couple of roses that get handed out that are obviously chosen by the producers after being a train wreck the first night.  It's pretty much common knowledge tat this point and the only logical reason that they receive a rose.


Twin 1.  I actually think that Emily is the more attractive one but it looks like Ben might prefer Haley.


Twin 2.  They actually should start having individual conversations with Ben so that they can separate themselves.


I mean, come on.

Did she really have to wear that thing 90% of the night.

Not uncomfortable at all.


This broad doesn't even speak English.



She really doesn't fall into a category so she gets her own.  I definitely called that her questions and answer sheet was full of shit and that she was going to be the crazy girl in the house.  The whole thing at the end where she accused him of not making eye contact with her at any point while he was giving out roses was legit insane.  There's crazy girls and then there's insane girls.  I'm not sure which one she is yet but she's attractive and the alcohol might have been a factor in this one.

The fact that she openly talks about other girls and doesn't sugar-coat anything is going to be great TV.  She'll probably be the MVP of the season.


Breanne of Tarth

I guess it's true that a vegan can't go longer than 2 minutes without telling everyone in earshot that they're a vegan.  And gluten is the new vegan.  She's not even allergic to gluten, she just doesn't believe in it.  I would've sent her home right then.  


1) You should have gone as Isabella.
2) I get that most of the limo entrances are a little bizarre and supposed to be a little self-deprecating and things of that nature, but you probably should bring a change of clothes so that after you get into the "Bachelor Mansion," you don't look like an overgrown child.  Using "you're the onesie for me" isn't the worst cheese ball opening line I've heard and it's all in fun even when it falls flat, but you can't spend the next fucking 8 hours in that thing you weirdo.

3) You really let Connecticut down, just know that.


This one completely took me by surprise.  I thought just on looks alone that she would be safe the first night.  She must have the personality of a piece of wood to not make it over some of the other girls.  Now, obviously the last couple of girls are picked by the producers of the show, but you should have been able to slip into top 12 of the other girls at least.  Missed opportunity here I think.


Laura was actually much more attractive than I had first anticipated, but she got the raw end of the deal when she and crazy Lace came in one after another so that they were basically bonded from the beginning.  That's not someone you want to tie yourself to on a night like this.  One, because she's super attractive so you won't look as good, and two, because she's a crazy bitch and you'll now be associated with her.

Lauren R.

Just by pure number, at least one Lauren had to get eliminated here.  I had no preference as to which one, just that one had to go.  Lauren R. drew the short straw.  Also, you can say that you looked someone up online before meeting them but going through every single thing that they've done over the last couple of months from social media is a tad too actual stalker-ish than you want.


But doesn't Maegan (I hate that spelling) really win when she gets to wake up to this everyday?


So you're telling me that the girl obsessed with Chickens didn't make the cut?  Shocking.

The fact that she brushes her teeth with the chicken on her shoulder makes me shudder.  It's incredible that she hasn't caught some sort of foul disease (pun intended).

Time to get this Journey of Love show on the road here.