Monday, February 16, 2015

The Bachelor Recap - Episode 7: Welcome to God's Country


Since The Bachelor is trying to bombard us with back-to-back 2 hour episodes, they're kind of forcing my procrastinating hand and not letting me wait until the end of the week to throw up the latest recap.

I guess they finally figured out how to get me to write a timely review.  Touche Chris Harrison, touche...or is it spelled douche?

First Up, a cocktail party with the girls.

It feels like we've been doing this show backwards the last couple of weeks and I don't like it.  I need to go back to the way things were.  Back to when everything still made sense.  Back to the way things used to be...

PAUSE FOR DRAMATIC LOOK OFF AT THE CITY SKYLINE OR SUNSET.

And we get right into sending girls home.  That didn't take long.  Megan asked Chris about their relationship and if he saw it progressing like he does the other girls'.  Being the most honest guy in Bachelor history, he tells her straight up that their relationship wasn't at the same place as everyone else's.  He sends her home but it feels more like a mutual decision than anything else.

And we have our first tears of the night.

Chris Harrison comes in to bring everyone down a little further and lets everyone know that there will still be a rose ceremony anyway and another person is going to go home...

...but not on Chris' watch!  

Thank you Jesus!!
He wants to keep everyone.  Why doesn't he just try this move for the end of the show and keep like 4 girls?  Maybe that's an accepted thing to do in Iowa anyway.

And that's where everyone is headed...off to God's Country. 

Now, I thought Arlington (where Chris was from) was a lot closer to Des Moines than it actually is.  It's like 2 1/2 hours to Des Moines or Cedar Falls and like 4 hours to Chicago.  I had thought that even though he was from a town of around 400 people that it was a relatively short drive to at least a halfway decent sized town but I guess not.

Up Next, a 1-on-1 with Jade in Chris' hometown.

She's the first to get a second 1-on-1 with Chris, which is a pretty big deal, and she also gets a chance to see where Chris comes from and where she'd be living if she were to move there for him.

They take a trip down the main strip of the town which is basically a bunch of closed down businesses that go for about 500 yards in each direction.  I have to admit, it's actually a lot more depressing of a place than I was thinking.  There's not even a bar in the town.  That's just sad.

Jade keeps saying she's from a small town, when in reality, Gary, Indiana (where she's from), has a population of 80,000.  I don't know where that's considered a small town.  There's only 6 cities in all of Connecticut that have a larger population than that.  Plus, Gary is only like 15-20 minutes from Chicago, so I think her idea of a small town is slightly different than Chris'.

They end up going to a High School football game and she gets to meet his parents.  So know she's met his three sisters (and they chose her to go on a date with Chris) and his parents, which says A LOT of what he thinks of her.

How small of a town is Chris from?  Well, they need football players to fill out the band mid-game.

He literally has to play at halftime of his own game.
Chris and Jade kiss on the 50 yard line to appease the heckling crowd and Chris gets to have his own Breakfast Club moment.

What's up John Bender.

Meanwhile, back at the hotel room, a 1-on-1 date card comes for Whitney.

I don't really care about that as much as I'm loving my girl Kaitlyn's outfit.

What it is Homegirl.

Whit and Chris are headed out in downtown Des Moines where they can actually encounter some sort of culture.  They check out a photography exhibit and then grab a camera and take pictures of the two of them all around the city.

Over drinks, three of Chris' friends come and 'hang out' with Chris and Whit.  The guys decide to grill her about everything but since Whitney is one of the few girls that has her head on straight, it doesn't phase her at all.

The more I get to know Whitney, the more I think she would actually be a really good match with Farmer Chris.

They go outside and there is a mural painted on the side of the building of one of the pictures they took earlier that day.  It actually looks a lot like the picture if you ask me.



I dunno, but I think she may have liked it...



Meanwhile, back at the hotel.

The four girls who haven't had an Iowa 1-on-1 yet (Carly, Britt, Becca, and Kaitlyn) decide to road trip it down to Chris' hometown of Arlington and check things out for themselves.  And when I say road trip, I mean it, 'cause it's almost a three hour hike down there.

Before they even realize they're in Arlington, they're out the other side of it.  It's two whole minutes of 'town.'

There's a little bit of shock value to how small the place is and I think they might have handled it a little better if they were experiencing it for the first time with Chris (like Britt actually wanted to).

They have a little wander about the town and the only thing really open is the Church.  Carly sees a picture of Jesus in the Church that used to also be in her Grandma's house and apparently this is a sign that her and Chris should be together.  It's not like she's totally willing to make up any sort of flimsy connection to make herself believe she should be with him or anything.

P.S.  That outfit Carly had on was possibly the most unflattering thing I've seen.


Hey Carly, who looks frumpy as hell?


Britt mentions to the girls how she's not totally sure if she can see herself in a town that small.  GOD FORBID she should try and voice any sort of initial feeling or emotion upon seeing Arlington.  Carly, being a little bit of a c-word, is soooooo offended by it.  So much so that she brings it up to Chris on the group date.  But don't worry, it's not to make her look better, it's just to protect Chris.  Keep telling yourself that honey.

Granted, Britt said the more she thought about it and saw the landscape, the more she warmed up to the idea of living there.  Which is normal once you get a chance to process everything.  That's what she told the girls and that's exactly the same thing she told Chris, so I'm not really sure where Carly was going with her calling out of Britt, but I hate Carly, so I don't really care.

Up Next, the Group Date with Britt, Carly, and Kaitlyn.

They head to the Wells Fargo Arena downtown and have a skate around the ice.  They skate, they talk, Carly tries to through Britt under the bus, rinse and repeat.

After the skate they head to what looks like an antique store that they end up having drinks at.  After talking with Kaitlyn and seeing that she is in desperate need of reassurance, he gives her the rose because he definitely wants her to have a hometown date and doesn't want to leave her wondering.  It was a sweet gesture and she definitely needed it.  It's hard to be on her side of things because he's basically having dates with other girls because he's so sure of himself with her, but all you have on this show is time, and everyone overanalyzes everything during that time.

Kaitlyn gets the group date rose (like almost every other group date) and Britt doesn't handle it well.  Instead of talking to him alone or taking the time to think things through, she basically decides to trying going at it unfiltered and in front of everyone.  Out of everyone, Britt definitely puts her foot in her mouth the most.  I think in her head she has something planned out of how she wants to say something but it doesn't come out anywhere close to that.

She may be in trouble next week.

I didn't even bring up the fact that Jade told Carly that she posed in Playboy but I feel like that's going to take center stage for a lot of the next episode, so we'll wait until that unfolds to talk about it.  I do find it weird that Carly is Jade's confidant but I guess you have to talk to somebody.

Also Carly, you're crazy, Exhibit A.