Monday, January 26, 2015

The Bachelor Recap - Episode 3: Jimmy Kimmel Invasion

It looks like ABC wants to get the most out of their Bachelor night, so they came up with a little crossover of two of their shows that usually air back-to-back on Monday nights.  Jimmy Kimmel was the special guest/co-host of this week's Bachelor episode and was involved in almost every aspect of the show.

Date Cards
Weird semi-funny 10 seconds skits with Chris

They have Chris on Kimmel after each show on Monday nights anyway, so this was all just another way to milk their ratings on their biggest show (bad pun intended).

He did add one funny little twist to the show by adding an "Amazing Jar" for the girls at the mansion.  It's just like a swear jar but for every time you say amazing, you have to put in a dollar.  And I guess that's the only adjective these girls are familiar with...

First Up, 1-on-1 Date with Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn (who I'm told by the fiancee, spells her name completely wrong), grabs the 1-on-1 date with Chris.  The date is set up by Jimmy and will take place at the extravagant and romantic location of....Costco.

Jimmy gives them a list of random stuff to grab so that they can cook dinner back at Chris' digs.

Kaitlyn is the EXACT person I would've chosen for this date.  She's a down-to-earth, go with the flow, type of tomboy girl.  She doesn't mind just hanging out, whereas some of the other girls might've played it off that way but would've actually been completely bummed to not get a helicopter ride to some place.

Sidenote: Maybe it's because I don't like champagne, but they drink way to much champagne for every single day.  I feel like I would just have headaches throughout this entire thing if I drank that much fucking champagne.  Every limo ride, every date, every rose ceremony.  Migraine city.

To be honest, Kaitlyn kind of lucked out with this date.  I feel like sometimes it's better to get the realistic date so you can actually see how things would work on a real-life day-to-day basis.  It feels more organic and natural to do something like this.  Grocery shopping, cooking, and a dinner 'party' are things they would do on a typical day outside the show.

The sitting posture really says it all.  There's something there.

P.S. I kind of like how she pointed out that she has the low guy belly laugh and he has the high pitched girly laugh.  Just something I liked that I thought I'd mention...moving on, nothing to see here.

Jimmy "The Lubricant" Kimmel shows up for dinner and starts to grill Kaitlyn with the questions that are basically the elephants in the room that nobody on the show every really addresses.  They just slide it under the rug and act like some things never happen.

Example: Would you be angry if you find out that Chris made love to 3 different women in the fantasy suites (paraphrased)?  I always wanted to hear what the girls thought about that, since it is implied that they get down in the suite.  And she actually seems OK with it (at least so she says).  If you're going to propose to someone, it only makes sense that you would fool around with them first.  Those fantasy suite sessions must be crazy since each girl is trying to make the absolute best impression possible since she knows she'll be judged against the other girls that way.  Waaaaay to much pressure if you ask me...but maybe in a good way.  I dunno.

Turns out she's dated a farmer before too.  This is actually a good thing because she knows exactly the situation she would be getting into moving to Iowa.

She seems to be a really good time with a great sense of humor.  Obviously she gets the rose and a bunch of making out.

I'm sure this didn't hurt either.

Next Up, Group Date with a bunch of girls.

A multi-staged competition with the winner geting a little extra time with Chris.  The events include shucking corn, finding chicken eggs and cracking them, milking (and drinking) goat's milk, and catching a pig.

They do realize that Chris grows corn and soy right? Like, he doesn't do anything with animals.

Any standouts?

Jillian's butt hanging out...again.

Karaoke singer (apparently named Carly) wins and reminds us that she has no chemistry with Chris.
Kelsey looks cute and pounds some goat's milk.
Becca looks even cuter and doesn't go in for the kiss during cocktails on a rooftop...also snags the group date rose.  Smart move to make him work for it but don't be the girl that waits too long before making out.  Word of caution.

Mackenzie continues to remind everyone that she's 11 years old.

When talking about Chris kissing other girls, she somehow didn't think he would be kissing anyone else but her???  She tells the girls that she guesses that's just who he is, he just likes to kiss.  The perfect response from Amber, "Oooorrrr, he's trying to find his wife."

Even with the other girls explaining it to her, Mackenzie still decides to awkwardly bring it up like she would at lunch time in 5th grade.

"Remember how we kissed? Wait, why are you kissing everyone else too?"

She also looks like a half vampire, half pterodactyl hybrid when she does it.  Pure nightmare fuel.

This picture is legit terrifying.
He is visibly upset about it and taken off-guard by the immature and stupid question from her.  And then she ends with the classic girl finisher after he explains himself...Oh, I was just curious.  I really have no idea what he sees in this girl.

Next Up, 1-on-1 Date with Whitney.

They go to a vineyard and when they see a wedding going on down from the hilltop they are on, they decide to 'crash' the wedding that night.

I'm getting a definite friend vibe here.

Also, Whitney, if you have to say how spontaneous you're not spontaneous.

And another thing, you wondering aloud that there's just something romantic about wedding...yeah, no shit, they are fucking weddings.  You know, the thing where it's literally a celebration of love.

I don't like you anymore Whitney.  You're bland and boring.  You've been friend-zoned.

She gets a rose anyway.  Whatever.

Next Up, Pool Party replaces the Cocktail Party.  Genius.

With only an hour to get ready, the girls are frantic.  I don't get putting on a ton of makeup if you're going to be going in a pool, that's kind of a weird move to me.  Also, the idea of wearing high heels at a pool party completely dumbfounds me.

Britt is much more my type.  Throw your hair up and walk around barefoot.  Sold!

Let's take a look at the Kiss Count for this episode, cause it was kind of ridiculous, even by Bachelor standards.  I get that if it feels natural that you should go for it but it just seems like the girls are being super-aggressive and even if he doesn't feel any connection with them, he's all-in for make-out city.  That's fine with me, I just wouldn't want to watch this back with the girl he picks at the end.

Kaitlyn, check.

Carly, check.

I think that might be Britt?

Whitney, check.

Britt confirmed.

Jade, in his bed, check.

Jillian, check.

Ashley I. Kardashian, check.

He also made out with Amber before he got rid of her the next day but I couldn't get a picture because it was too dark.  The picture, not Amber, you racist jerks.

So that makes 8 out of the 16 girls that are there on one episode.  That's pretty impressive.  I don't think I'll ever understand why some of the girls want to spy on him making out with other girls.  I feel like that just makes them feel worse about themselves but they keep doing it, so maybe not.

Eliminated This Week.

Amber (29)

She didn't do anything wrong except maybe play it a little on the shy side.

Trina (33)


Tracy (29)

She must have had zero personality to look like this and never be on the screen.