Monday, November 18, 2013

This Past Weekend in the NFL...

This Week in the NFL...


NY Giants 27 - Green Bay 13

Eli's game face.
Don't look now but the G-Men have won 4 in a row and are only 1.5 games out of first place.  Hopefully Foles can come back to earth with some actual fucking turnovers in the near future and we can close the gap a little more.  Next week's game against the Cowboys is huge since Dallas is already 3-0 in the NFC East, the Giants can't afford to lose or else the Cowboys get some major in-division tiebreakers.

Eli still hasn't hit his stride but the D continues to look pretty stifling.  Granted, they haven't really went through a murderer's row of QB's Josh Freeman (since benched), the latest pulled hammy for Vick that turned into the latest clueless USC QB Matt Barkley, a hobbled and quickly downward spiraling Terrell Pryor, and whatever a Scott Tolzien is.  Romo is head and shoulders better than those scrubs but we all know how Romo preforms in high pressure games, so let's hope that translates into 5 wins in 5 weeks.  If Eli ever gets it the fuck together, watch out.

The highlight from the game was JPP's insane hand-eye coordination with his pick-6.  He's finally rounding into the JPP form from 2 years ago.


And if you happen to find yourself at a G-Men game in the near future, watch out for creeps like this.  Mustaches and hoodless sweatshirts are no way to go through life guys.


Here's a look at the other games around the league from this weekend...


Kansas City Chiefs 17 - Denver Broncos 27

And now the '72 Dolphins can pop their annual bottles of Champagne with the last undefeated team going down.

Peyton's ankle held up but it might be because it was paper mache'd.


Andy has that look on his face that he usually does right before he asks you if you're going to finish that...


Hey Wes, head on a swivel bro.  Those are the cheapest yet most enjoyable hits in the game.


And hey Bronco Mascot, settle down dude, you're team won.


Oakland Raiders 28 - Houston Texans 23

I don't even care if I was 1/100th of the player that Andrew Johnson was, I'm pretty sure I'd be this upset with having to put up with Matt Shaub too.  I get the vibe from Johnson of a parent who isn't angry...but is just disappointed.  Way worse.  And also, I need to know Matt Shaub's comeback more than I need to know anything else for this entire next week.



But they did have this at least...



Minnesota Vikings 20 - Seattle Seahawks 41

I hear ya Percy, I hear ya.  Now let's get back to a full workload in the game so I can use you during fantasy.

How clever of a twitter handle is DangeRussWilson too.  There's too many things to like about that guy.  Also, the trio of Vikings QB's is just too much for one fanbase to handle.  Ponder, Cassell, AND Freeman...with Joe Webb thrown in to spice things up.

I always think guys should give their TD balls away to fans at the game, and since Lynch had some to spare (3 TDs in the game), he thought so too.  He probably has a better arm than the arsenal of QBs on Minny.


Forget about actual highlights, this was the greatest move that happened today from Brandon Mebane:


San Francisco 49ers 20 - New Orleans Saints 23

The game was pretty much decided on a personal foul with a sack/fumble on Drew Brees that I don't think was a penalty at all.  But it made Brees about 2 inches taller with how it stretched his neck out and made him look like a turtle poking out of its shell.  So at least he doesn't have to take shit for being a short QB and peering over the line every time he throws from now on.




And Kenny Stills just going full blonde mullet is something new that I hope catches on.  Maybe he's doing the bad haircut pre-emptive move before the veterans can make the rook do it...pretty, pretty, preeetty smart.


San Diego 16 - Miami 20

Nothing of note happened in this game.  A couple of mediocre teams played a mediocre game...moving on.

Baltimore Ravens 20 - Chicago Bears 23

The apocalyptic weather stretched this game out forever with a almost a 2 hour delay and I'm hoping that's the reason the field looked like complete shit but at least everyone didn't tear up their knees, so there's that.



WOOO WOOO!!!



Detriot Lions 27 - Pittsburgh Steelers 37

I hate the Lions, so I love this.  Actually let me restate that.  I hate the Lions D, so I really love this.  Sweet Fake FG Schwartz, you fucking hardo.


Washington Redskins 15 - Philadelphia Eagles 24

What the shit Redskins, you couldn't give the Giants a little breathing room to catch up?!?

Oh, and sweet pass RGIII.  You know you don't have to chuck it up like that on 3rd & 1 on your potential game-tying drive, right?  Just throw it away and go for it on 4th dude.



And even if I can't stand Shady McCoy, I respect the hell out of this move:



New York Jets 13 - Buffalo Bills 37

I bath in the tears of Jets fans' misery.  If only they can start rooting for Mark Shanchez to come back, I will achieve true enlightenment.


A Buffalo fan with a personalized Coors Light Bills Jersey looks about 1/2 a step away from taking a real silver bullet.


Arizona Cardinals 27 - Jacksonville Jaguars 14

Not so fast with all that winning from last week Jaguars...oh, and maybe you want to think about teaching tackling in practice this next week.


Not only does Jason Babin still exist, but apparently he's just ripping body parts off of opposing teammates now.  I'm 90% sure that someone else did this, Babin found it on the ground, then played it off like he did it and tried to come off as a badass.  That's classic Babin.


Atlanta Falcons 28 - Tampa Bay Bucs 41

I'm much more comfortable declaring the Falcons terrible than I am declaring the Bucs lookings god these past two weeks.  So what the F was wrong with Doug Martin this year if both Mike James and Bobby Rainey can walk off the street and cruise over 100 yards with no problem in that offense??  (p.s. fuck fantasy).

Poor punter...



Cleveland Browns 20 - Cincinnati Bengals 41

I'm 50% sure that the offenses didn't score any of the points in this game with how many TDs the defenses and special teams scored.

RUN FORREST.. RUUUUUNNNN!!!





Until Next Sunday....